you don't love her.

for crying out loud, you haven't been dating the girl for more than what, twenty four hours? so hell no, you don't fucking love her.

you like her. and you've liked her for what, a total of two weeks or something? more or less, who knows, because you don't tell me these things anymore.

so what, i'm quick to judge. who wouldn't judge a relationship that's only lasted about a day and the partners are already saying 'i love you' to each other when they didn't even know each other really existed until about, oh, i don't know, three weeks ago?

you've known each other for four months. i get it. you've liked her for a week or two. i get it. you made your relationship official on christmas day. i get it. and you love her. i don't get it.

whatever, your heart feels what it feels but this, my friend, isn't love. this is what i hate about relationships and why i can understand so many older people call teenagers immature and incapable of being in 'true love' or relationships. because there are certain people who just blurt out 'i love you' for the sake of having something to say, of having something to prove that the relationship is working and going somewhere and will continue to go somewhere.

you can last a whole month without those three words slipping out of your month, i'll tell you that.

don't say it if you don't mean it. you might think you do, but you just like her. a lot. and this whole 'i love her' thing isn't flying. i'm not getting my head around it just yet because you know what? it doesn't make sense to me.

and sure, i sound harsh and i sound like a fucking bitch and i sound judgmental as hell. well, maybe because i am. i'm your best friend, i'm not your fucking shrink. i'm your reality check when you need it. i tell you my opinion when you ask for it. i give you advice when you want it.

i'm not your maid or your fucking mistress who's going to pat you on the back and hand you tissues. though that sounds like the perfect best friend, it isn't. i'm just trying to understand you right now because i haven't been understanding you for the past three weeks.

i know everything last. i find out everything from unimportant and irrelevant resources. i only find out from you once i ask you.

and this might sound hypocritical because of my last post, but these things are really nothing to hide because we see each other almost everyday and you know i'm bound to find out. and if one day, something horrible travels around and i hear word of it from another unimportant and irrelevant source, i really don't know what i'll do.

so yeah, i don't get it. i don't get you right now.

that's all.

Labels: best friends, friendships, life, relationships

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To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind & confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

Labels: life, quote

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"thought i knew you for a minute, now i'm not so sure
so here's to everything coming down to nothing
here's to silence that cuts me to the core
where is this going ? thought i knew for a minute but i don't anymore"

i'm not gonna apologize for doing something that i don't regret doing.
just because it doesn't exactly go on your 'bucket list', or look right in your eyes, i'm not going to apologize for doing it.
things change and people grow up. i wasn't exactly looking to try something new, especially that, and i wasn't going out of my way to get it.
it was an opportunity that came up and you know what? yeah, i never thought i would. but i did. and i don't really give a fuck that it happened because you know what? what's done is done, it's in the past and i already did it.

i'm sorry that i didn't tell you earlier. you weren't exactly the first person i wanted to tell because i knew this was how you were gonna react.
and you know, i didn't tell very many people because i didn't think it was a big deal. at least where i'm growing up, the school i'm in, nobody really botehrs to give two fucks.
it's something you come across and something that you're gonna be around and that maybe something you won't be able to understand because of your school and your new friends.
i told you when i was ready, and i didn't think you'd take it as bad as you did. people might think that your reaction isn't as bad compared to others, but you're the only one who talked to me after in such a degrading way.

i haven't changed. that one thing doesn't affect me as a whole. it doesn't suddenly shape my whole personality, being and life.
just because you didn't expect it from me, cause hell, i didn't expect it from myself either, that doesn't mean that i'm all of a sudden a new person that you're better than.
damn, it'd be one sad world if all the people who haven't tried it looked down on the people who have.
i'm not the stereotype, so don't label me or talk to me like i am. once, twice, sure but i know my limits and i'm not going to fuck up my life, so please don't act like i already have.

you're lucky that i even told you, because i haven't even told one of the very best friends i have. and i'm sure he deserves to know more than you do, and i'm sure that he'll take it way easier than you did.
you're supposed to be my best friend. you don't know how highly i talk of you. and now i feel like, slowly but surely, things are changing.
i'm trying so fucking hard to keep it the way it is or was at least because i don't want to go through this again. i've been through it one too many times and i know i should be used to it by now, but i won't be.
who the fuck is used to their best friend leaving? or going? or not being there anymore?

it isn't my thing, so don't look at me and talk to me and think about only that.
i want you to look at me and talk to me like i'm your best friend.

i'd highly appreciate that.

Labels: best friends, changes, friendships, life, relationships

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but i guess things change
it's funny how someone else's success brings pain.

Labels: best friends, changes, friendships, love

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personal entry.


practice tires me out. she made us run a lot, but i guess that's silveira for you, right? we didn't win the game but i wasn't upset... in a sense, i guess, because that team was shit, definitely. but she made us work on blocking and running from net position to free ball position is quite hard. she wants us there faster and faster each time. then after volleyball, i have phys ed, and today we went to the weight room. i'm pretty sliiiick, i won't lie. but i got so tired when i was going to art, i wanted to fall asleep. and i almost did. perspective, really? i learned that in grade four but she makes it seem so hard. it's due tomorrow but i didn't even do anything except for the border. i still need to hand in my choice painting, haha.

lunch wasn't bad. stayed with the girls for a bit then found cassie, and we stole robby's cookie. we finally got christian's attention and when he left to go see us, joey and ian and paul came around. talked for a little while like always till joey left with her, hahahaha. and ian left with paul. then andrew came over. "oh no" loool. then group hug and we left for thirrrd. fourth was pretty boring but i'm doing better in fourth now. i guess i'm trying to focus. an essay worth 95 marks in total, so fml, gonna work hard on that one.

afterschooooool... haha, live! stayed with cassie to watch the basketball game but first we went to her house. changed into her sweats and headed over to pizzapizza for a slice. after that, we walked back to martins and then watched the game. it was pretty fun actually. talking to christian and james and jahmar and diego. lmfao cassie, bob and chung lee/catherine and michelle. ohhhhh dear. after that senior game, we talked to alex mcfarlane (yes ciarra!) and hung out there for a while. me and cassie went to watch a little bit of the junior game but not too much... they were beating them anyway.

saw frank, talked to him for a while, and then didn't wanna walk home alone to cassie's house. we got kwasi to walk with us since he goes that way. stayed until half and then we walked home with kwasi, stewie, james and justin. lmfao kwasi, realtalkssss... i am serious. don't even lie, that was a serious issue i talked about. then he started talking about 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs' and how hungry these guys were. oh dear.

then stayed at cassie's house for a while, stayed for dinner and played around with jacob. had some realtalks ;) i love her off. ♥

hopefully tomorrow's a good day ?


/personal entry.

Labels: basketball, best friends, friendships, life, love, personal, real talks, school

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every girl deserves the best.

every girl deserves a man who's going to be there for her at her best and at her worst. they deserve a real man who's going to put her first, not second or third or last. they deserve a man who knows what's best for her, and what's best for him, and puts things into perspective. every girl deserves a real man. a real, honest to God, man.

and why they are so hard to find these days, God only knows why. but what i know is that you shouldn't put up with the bullshit or the lies or the fakes walking around. every single piece of bullshit, every single lie and every single fake emotion, feeling and word he speaks and feels and expresses and feeds you - you don't deserve any of it.

get up and leave. don't stress the small. boys are just boys. find them anywhere.

i'm tired of seeing heartbreaks and stressed people and i'm tired of telling my own friends that he isn't worth the pain or the heartbreak, he isn't worth the trouble or the time. and i'm tired of being unacknowledged and ignored, and i'm tired of seeing that same friend go through the same pain, heartbreak, trouble and wasting time with the same waste boy.

you don't deserve bullshit. you are worth so much more.

don't waste time listening to him say 'i love you' when you know that it's meaningless. don't waste time forgiving him everytime he comes crawling back to you because he knows you're whipped. don't waste time telling him 'i love you' when you know you're just another one on his list of things to do. don't waste time trying to get him to change because you can't force change on somebody who doesn't want it.

he's not going to become a better person because of you. as harsh as it sounds, you aren't the reason for his better doings. unless he wants it for himself and for good intentions, he won't change because of you or for you. he wants to do good because he wants to get to you and wants to get in you. get it straight or don't get it at all.

boys like these are easy to find yet they're so hard to pick out. i'm not saying that there are no good men out there, but it's not like they're flashing and you could just pick them out and have them for yourself.

take your time when you're young. your heart is naive and vulnerable and when you come crashing down, best believe that he isn't going to be there to help you get back up and pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

i don't want to tell those same friends and give them advice when they're not going to listen to me. i don't want to watch you fall apart again only to have you go crawling back to him. i don't want to be the one putting your broken heart together because, as much as it sounds like something a good friend would do, i shouldn't have to be doing it in the first place.

you should know you deserve better than some asshole who walks around pretending he feels something for you, when all he feels is his manhood going hard.

please know that you deserve much more and that you are worth so much more, and i don't want to see you crying again.

Labels: best friends, boyfriends, boys, friends, friendships, love, love sucks, relationships

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boys will be boys, girls will be girls.

this means that boys will get over things with time, but it always seems to be less time than girls. this means that girls will overreact and blow things out of proportion. this means that boys will be into sports, cars, and things that girls won't be into. this means that girls will be into makeup, shopping and things that boys won't be into.

but this doesn't mean that you can't get past it and build a strong relationship with one another.

i'm thankful for the few boys in my life that i always can seem to count on, regardless. the friends in my life that are girls, i can trust them with my life, but it's easier to acknowledge them and it's easier to thank them everyday and say 'i love you' and mean it with ease.

but the boys in my life can't go unnoticed. for some reason, they've probably affected me more and have been more reliable than some of the people in my life. especially my best friend, my brother and my other half.

i have to thank him, and today i realized how much he has done for me, even if just subconsciously. he has been there for me through every problem and every down i've ever experienced. he's been there to listen, although sometimes not very well, and has been there to watch me grow and learn from my mistakes.

he lets me make them, and he lets me learn, and he lets me get back up on my feet to be a better person. he has been there through all my faults and has accepted all my flaws and he has been there through all the happiness and has shared them with me.

i know that we'll be friends for a while, and hopefully for the rest of my lifetime and i know that he's the one friend i can count on no matter what, and nothing can truly tear us apart, and nobody can tear us apart.

he deserves more credit than i am giving, and he deserves more attention than i am giving, so here's to you. you're basically my family, and i call you my brother, and even though we're only three and a half months in this new part of our lives, i can't thank you enough for always being there. i prayed that i would never lose you, and i'm glad that i haven't and i plan on keeping it that way. you might not know how much you mean to me, but i know how much you mean to me and i hope that one day you realize how grateful i am to have you in my life.

you've done nothing but be kind and be an amazing friend, and for some odd reason, i feel like no matter what happens, we'll always stay friends. thank you, brother, for everything you've done and i'm sure i'll continue to thank you for the things you'll be doing. i have your back through thick and thin. i promise you this.

i guess high school helps me realize a lot of things, and it also helped me realize who my true friends are. we've overcome a lot through our friendship, and three months in and you've never hesitated to help me through this experience. thanks a bunch. i'll always be here for you like you've been there for me.

♥

Labels: brother, family, friends, friendships, life, people, personal, realest shit you ever heard, relationships, trust, truthful shit

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