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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

me as of july 21st, 2010

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long

Monday, May 10, 2010

too many times I've been wrong, I guess being right takes too long

I feel like a bad friend and I know that I'm trying the best I can, but I feel like I'm never enough for certain people.
I feel like I'll never be enough and that my best won't ever be enough no matter how hard I try.

And I'm sorry. But then again, I'm not. I can't be what you want me to be in time or what you need me to be right away. Patience is key and maybe that's what you need. I'm not going to change my whole being just for you and I'm sorry for that, but am not as well.

If I'm not enough, then that's too bad. I don't know what more you want from me, but I know this...

I'm losing you and it's effortless.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

and I'm not gonna stop cause you're the only one I want

when you want something, if you really want it bad enough, limitations no longer exist. those lines that you used to see, those lines that you were told not to cross, those lines that you could not cross... they no longer exist. boundaries no longer exist. if you want something bad enough, so bad that your heart is calling for it and starving for it, nothing should be able to stop you.

persistance, determination, motivation and inspiration. drive and courage. it all comes out of you when something you want is in focus. something that you have a desire and passion for. nothing should get in the way of you and that one thing, whether it be a goal you want to achieve, a person that you want to be with, something that you can't live without.

but one of the most important things is when you have the drive and courage to get a person that you, not just want, but need. it's when you have that string that just keeps pulling you toward them, and that push from within your heart that tells you to go after them. it all kicks in when you know that you need him because he makes you a better person. you know that you need him because when he's around, you can't help but smile. you know that you need him because when you're with him, your heart is always happy, and you can see it in your own eyes.

you know that you want him just because he makes you feel something special inside, and you want to hold onto that feeling forever. you know that you want him because whenever he smiles, you smile and every little word he says seems to be the perfect thing to hear. you know that you want him when your friends and the people you love notice a change in you, a better change, and realize that maybe this boy could be your better half, the only one that has made you this genuinely happy in a while.

wants and needs are different but when it comes to that one thing that you want and need to get in life, wants and needs almost become the same thing. they become important. limitations and boundaries also become the same thing. they become nonexistent.

- mdt

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Rest In Paradise

This week was a sad, sad week for the fashion industry and also for the Olympics.

First, the news came about around two-three days ago about Lee Alexander McQueen commiting suicide, and then it was confirmed that he was dead.

Alexander McQueen was, in my eyes, a legend in the fashion industry. They're assuming that he took his own life because he was having a hard time dealing with the death of his mother, which happened about a week before his own death.

Alexander McQueen was an extraordinary designer who thought outside of the box and broke all the 'rules' of fashion. Hiring disabled, large and unusual models for his runway shows, designing over the top clothes with basically perfect tailoring and having the signature skull print on scarves and such, Alexander McQueen definitely made his mark in fashion.

Rest in paradise, Alexander McQueen.


Tragic event after tragic event. Vancouver's 2010 Winter Olympics opened yesterday, but Nordar Kumaritashvili died in a luge accident while practicing for the Olympic Winter Games. If any of you have seen the video, it honestly made me turn away and tear up. It's so hard to watch. Nordar was so young and now he can't live his dream, or even compete in the Olympics.

Rest in peace, Nordar.

Monday, January 25, 2010


" Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans.

But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love.

It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Or forget I ever handed it to you in the first place, just as long as you have it.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole. "

- Andrew Landon

Saturday, December 26, 2009

one step at a time.

you don't love her.

for crying out loud, you haven't been dating the girl for more than what, twenty four hours? so hell no, you don't fucking love her.

you like her. and you've liked her for what, a total of two weeks or something? more or less, who knows, because you don't tell me these things anymore.

so what, i'm quick to judge. who wouldn't judge a relationship that's only lasted about a day and the partners are already saying 'i love you' to each other when they didn't even know each other really existed until about, oh, i don't know, three weeks ago?

you've known each other for four months. i get it. you've liked her for a week or two. i get it. you made your relationship official on christmas day. i get it. and you love her. i don't get it.

whatever, your heart feels what it feels but this, my friend, isn't love. this is what i hate about relationships and why i can understand so many older people call teenagers immature and incapable of being in 'true love' or relationships. because there are certain people who just blurt out 'i love you' for the sake of having something to say, of having something to prove that the relationship is working and going somewhere and will continue to go somewhere.

you can last a whole month without those three words slipping out of your month, i'll tell you that.

don't say it if you don't mean it. you might think you do, but you just like her. a lot. and this whole 'i love her' thing isn't flying. i'm not getting my head around it just yet because you know what? it doesn't make sense to me.

and sure, i sound harsh and i sound like a fucking bitch and i sound judgmental as hell. well, maybe because i am. i'm your best friend, i'm not your fucking shrink. i'm your reality check when you need it. i tell you my opinion when you ask for it. i give you advice when you want it.

i'm not your maid or your fucking mistress who's going to pat you on the back and hand you tissues. though that sounds like the perfect best friend, it isn't. i'm just trying to understand you right now because i haven't been understanding you for the past three weeks.

i know everything last. i find out everything from unimportant and irrelevant resources. i only find out from you once i ask you.

and this might sound hypocritical because of my last post, but these things are really nothing to hide because we see each other almost everyday and you know i'm bound to find out. and if one day, something horrible travels around and i hear word of it from another unimportant and irrelevant source, i really don't know what i'll do.

so yeah, i don't get it. i don't get you right now.

that's all.

live and breath everyday.

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind & confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.