live and breath everyday.

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind & confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

life

is hard. Oh well.

You deal with it.

true friends stab you in the front, so tell me why my back is aching

It's true what they say.

Your friendships - loyalty, trust, honesty, love - it all gets put to the test once you enter high school. And you know what, sometimes, those friendships end up fading into the background because there isn't enough effort put into it and there isn't enough communication. There just isn't enough. There isn't enough to hold it together, like how it was held together before.

High school pushes you to the limit when it comes to friends. It teaches you lessons after it gives you the test. And it's true when they say that you find out who your true, real friends are in high school, because this is the reality check. High school is the slap in the face.

You realize that people change, sometimes for the worse, and that you might not be able to do anything about it. You realize that people won't stay, even when they promised you that they'd always be there for you. You realize that people will lie to your face and lie behind your back, and the two different sides of them will finally show. You realize that the people you thought were your best friends really aren't. You realize that things fade and end when they do for a reason, and sometimes, letting go is the hardest thing to do. But sometimes, letting go and letting change happen is the only thing saving your life.

Friendships don't last. That's one thing I learned in high school - and I'm only three weeks in.

someone else has already said it best

check my livejournal archive for more: http://marinerd.livejournal.com/27486.html

"I never even thought about whether or not they understand what I'm doing . . . the emotional reaction is all that matters as long as there's some feeling of communication, it isn't necessary that it be understood."
- John Coltrane

"Fear, loneliness. They’re the big ones, Rose. Some of the most terrible acts ever committed have been inspired by them. We’re not dealing with something that wants to conquer or destroy. There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive, wormhole refractors. You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."
- The Doctor ; "Doctor Who"

"Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying "hello again" that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life."
- Anonymous

"When I see you, the world. It stops and all that exists for me, is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and it’s a beautiful place and there’s only you. Just you. And my eyes staring at you. When you’re gone, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it, and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, is why I stare at you."
- Unknown

"I don’t believe in love, I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something straight people tell themselves they’re in so they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with."
- Brian Kinney ; Queer As Folk

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I'll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names."
- Rhett Butler ; Gone With The Wind

"Maybe we don't go to hell for the things we do, maybe we go to hell for the things we don't do."
- Chuck Palahniuk ; Lullaby

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."
- Jack Kerouac ; On The Road

"Dear Annette, I don't know what I could possibly say that would rectify the harm I've caused you. The truth of the matter is that being with you was the only time I have ever been happy. My whole life has been a joke. I prided myself on taking joy in others' misery. Well, it finally backfired. I succeed in hurting the first person I ever loved. Enclosed is my most prized possession. My journal. For a long time I considered it my trophy. A sordid collection of my conquests. If you really want to know the truth than please read it. No more lies. Please give me another chance. I'm a wreck without you."
- Sebastian ; Cruel Intentions

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."
- Holden ; Chasing Amy

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!"
- Iannis ; Captain Corelli's Mandolin

"I saw the future once, I was drunk in a phone booth. My eyes were wet and red but I could not tell what was said and through the screams of the traffic; voices carried saying 'I am sorry.' On a day so grey it's black inside, watching churches on TV. In a coma you don't dream - you just hope that someone sits with you."
- Douglas Coupland ; Girlfriend In A Coma

"So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'"
- Danny Vinyard ; American History X

"You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I've only my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain, so I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong, bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of -- you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you, and it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."
- Spike ; Buffy The Vampire Slayer

"She looked up at him with dead eyes and smiled.
'How did you find me?' he asked.
She was silent, for a while, in the moonlight. Then she said, 'You are the nearest thing I have to life. You are the only thing I have left, the only thing that isn’t bleak and flat and gray. I could be blindfolded and dropped into the deepest ocean and I would know where to find you. I could be buried a hundred miles underground and I would know where you are.'"
- Neil Gaiman ; American Gods

"I can't go with you Tad, because you don't love me, you maybe want to love me. But I think what you love right now is the idea of me. You can't love someone for what they stand for or seem to be. You have to love them for their details, for the little things that are true of them and only them."
- Rosalee ; Win A Date With Tad Hamilton

"When you were little, couldn't have been more than five, you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom. Why did we always have to move around. Where's Dad. I remember I begged you, 'Quit asking, Sammy. You don't want to know.' I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. Always tried to protect you. Keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It's just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job. I had one job, and I screwed it up. I blew it, and for that, I'm sorry. I guess that’s what I do. I let down the people I love. Y’know, I let Dad down, and now I guess I’m just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy? What am I supposed to do?"
- Dean Winchester ; Supernatural

"Failure's hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you're successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever."
- Po Bronson, Author of "What Should I Do With My Life"

"Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."
- Unknown

"Some say love is blind while others say there is love at first sight. For those who say love is blind, I say open your eyes and take in the endless possibilities of beauty and compassion. For those who believe in love at first sight, take time to close your eyes, look into your heart, and find out whose face it is that you see."
- John Shows

"When adults say, 'Teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, becuase we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible becuase we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."
- John Green ; Looking For Alaska

"There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
- Chuck Klosterman

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."
- Neil Gaiman

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
- Neil Gaiman

"...But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it."
- Anonymous

Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.
- Neil Gaiman

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk. Thinking about if people were rain. I was drizzle and she was hurricane."

- John Greene (Looking For Alaska)

i was just running through the pages and those stood out.

many thanks

Guys, guys, guys! Do you know how happy and honoured I am feeling right now?

Please, check this link out: http://blog.polyvore.com/2009/05/polyvore-love-letters-blog-roundup_26.html.

I am featured in Polyvore's Blog Roundup! It's amazing!

Thank you Polyvore :D

realization

"There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. It's realizing that you don't need certain people and the crap that they bring."

I'll see you in my nightmares.

what was that, you say

What are things you have learned in your life?

saturday, march 14th, 2009

I just want someone to tell me the truth.
I just want someone who won't run away, who won't fear the truth.
Because then, maybe I can learn from them.

I just want someone to look me in the eyes and tell me, "No. Not everything will be okay. Everything is never okay and that's how life works. I won't tell you that everything will be okay and that everything is perfect because that is a lie. Perfection is unrealistic, and it is just a boring dream. But things will improve. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow, the day after that. Or maybe in a week. If not in a week, in a month, or maybe even a year. It won't be easy, and it may not be fun, but it will be better. You will get better. If you're getting better, you can't get any worse."

I just need someone who will stay with me.
I just need someone to learn from, someone who knows that being afraid can only hurt you.
Because then, maybe I can understand more.

I just need someone to look me in the eyes and tell me, "Make your own decisions. Why are you living someone else's life? Why are you trying to live the life that someone else wants you to? Why are you being pushed around and knocked over? Why do you let them do that to you? Stop being a pushover. Start standing your ground. If you keep this going, you are only going to be broken into a million pieces, and you're going to have to watch your life go down the path that you never wanted it to go down. And you know what? It's your fault. You're the only one to blame. Don't point fingers unless yours are clean. So if they aren't, you're the guilty one around here. If you don't want that, then get up on your feet and don't you dare move when someone runs you over. Live for yourself. When you're offered nine lives, then maybe you can live a few for other people, but you only have one. Live it for yourself and for your own decisions."



I just seek someone who will love me with everything they have and more.
I just seek someone who will teach me, someone who knows how to make the right decisions.
Because then, maybe I will be a stronger person.

I just seek someone who can look me in the eyes and tell me, "Don't cry over any boy. Don't cry over any love situation, because most of the time, your tears aren't even worth it, or him. All of the time, your tears won't fix your situation. If you end up crying, well then, make sure you never cry over the same boy again. Don't let him know that you're up all night thinking about what could have been, because guess what you are in his eyes? A rebound. A booty call. You are worth more than that. Stop trying to fall in love with a person who just fell out of love with you. When he realizes what he has let go, it's your turn to move the hell on. Walk down the straight path where he's not in the way, because he's always going to want to hold you back. Don't let him become your definition of love, or the face that you always compare others and new loves to. If you let that happen, then you're losing and he's winning. Love can't take advantage of you. You take advantage of love."

we'll make it through the storm

I got this image off of WeHeartIt, and I started to look at it more and more. The longer I looked at it, the more it was true.

Your oldest fears, meaning that you've never gotten over them yet. If you haven't faced them, that means they've had time to grow. Depending on how old they are, they could grow buildings tall, or maybe they're still a short grass.

Oldest fears are the worst, especially when they are buildings tall. Considering they are "oldest" fears, they probably are. They're the big ones. They're the scary ones.

We haven't had the courage to face up to them, and if we continue to let them grow, we'll need years and years to grow the courage to size up to them.

Face your fears now. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Don't hold yourself back because you're afraid. Do what you want to do TODAY.

why love

"Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."
Throughout your years, falling in love with someone will be a long lasting experience. It might not last very long, but the effects and lessons learned will.
Rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, loneliness hurts, envy hurts.
Love covers all of the hurt and pain and puts you in a happy place.
People mistake all that hurt and pain for love.

Reality is that all of that hurt and pain are just what comes out of love.
Not every relationship has a happy ending, and it's broken. Hence why they call it a "break-up".
All of that pain and hurt is just the result of a love that wasn't meant to be, and people confuse it for actual love.

Love - the journey, the destination ...
It's such a small, four letter word but yet it comes with such a heavy and large package full of responsibility, dangers, care, hope, problems ...
We all just have to face it and open up the package, ready to deal.

Ups and downs, and especially when it's over, it hurts.
People learn and I've learned that love doesn't hurt but what comes out of it can sometimes hurt.

People say that's why it's called falling in love.
Does this mean falling doesn't hurt?

there is a difference

There's a difference between "drifting" and something like, let's say, going seperate ways.

drift (drft)
v. drift·ed, drift·ing, drifts
v.intr.
1. To be carried along by currents of air or water: a balloon drifting eastward; as the wreckage drifted toward shore.
2. To proceed or move unhurriedly and smoothly: drifting among the party guests.
3. To move leisurely or sporadically from place to place, especially without purpose or regular employment: a day laborer, drifting from town to town.

Drifting is slowly parting ways.
It hurts because it is slow.
It hurts because it is slow and painful.
Kind of like a slow and painful death.

And it hurts because once the drift has finally made itself permanent, only then does it sink in. And it sinks your heart down like an anchor.

life

is all about taking chances.

Without that, nobody advances.

love and all that comes with it

There are many ways to define love, even in the dictionary. But here are the three first definitions of love taken from the dictionary:

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3. a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.

And according to the bible, this would be considered love:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
... But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I'd hate to be the one writing down the dictionary definitions because in all honesty, love is different for everyone.
However, I feel as if the bible has the better view of love.

Love is not just holding hands, kissing or hugging.
Love isn't just making eye contact or hanging out for a few hours.

Love definitely isn't just saying "I love you".

Love can be expressed in over thousands of ways, and love means thousands of things.
One never knows love until they experience it.
And I don't know if I have. I'd like to say I have, because by my definition of love - I really have.
Love between family members, close friends and maybe, sometimes, even if for a short while, a significant other.

Love is love. How can you change that, or replace that, with anything else?
Love is precious and it takes time.
Love doesn't not come around too often.
Love isn't money - you can't just hand it to someone. You can't just expect something back.

Love and all that comes with it - a mixture of good and bad, happy and sad, exciting and frightening - we must be grateful for it.
Without love, where would the world be?
Love has helped the world turn.
Love has helped the world change.

Love is not just a feeling - it's an experience.
Love is not just a stop along the way - it's the destination.
Love is a journey that grows step by step, bit by bit ... only getting better.

Love isn't just between one man and one woman.
Love can be between a man and a man or a woman and woman.
Love can be between a mother and her child, or a father and his child.
Love can be between a friend and a friend.
Love can be between a brother and a sister, a sister and a sister, a sister and a brother, a brother and a brother.

There is not just one kind of love.
It comes in different forms, shapes, sizes, and kinds that we cannot even imagine to think of.

We're all too blinded by all this hate and regret and selfishness that we can't take a few seconds out of our day to say "Thank you" to that stranger who holds open your door or to your friend who picks up your pen. We can't say it to our mom who cooks our dinner and our dad who drives us to school. We can't smile back at the stranger who smiled or help an old woman carry her groceries out to her car. We can't call up an old friend and ask them to hang out for a few hours just to catch up. We can't see past the shadows, mistakes, flaws and imperfections of others and we judge them on their past. We can't go a day without having to talk about another person. Why not?

Hate is taking over. And we all have choices. We have the other options.

The Way I See It:
Hate is easy.
Love takes courage.

"Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."

composed of gravity pulling me down

Oh, I've been travelling on this road too long
Just trying to find my way back home
But all of me is dead and gone, dead and gone

I don't know why people think there isn't any way to change.
As if they never will have and never have had a choice.
But there is always a choice.

I'm trying not to judge based on what has happened in the past,
because I know for a fact that people can change.
It's possible - I've seen it firsthand, and so have you.
Barack Obama ring a bell? That's extreme change.

I went from being vulnerable and a follower
to being strong and a leader.

I went from caring too much about the opinion of others
to not caring at all who believes what.


Nobody can doubt me anymore because I don't care.
My family and my best friends are the only opinions I take time considering.


Me, and nothing else in the way.
Me and my family, friends and the ones I love.
Me and God, side by side.

Me, because the rest of the don't matter.
It's the only clear way of thinking for me.

Gravity is the only thing pulling me down,
but nothing else will stop me.

i have You

When all else fails, I want to know that I have You.

When everyone walks out, I want to know that You will stay.

When all of them close the doors, I want to know that You will hold one open.

When everybody walks ahead, I want to know that You will walk beside.

When nobody reaches out a hand, I want to know that You will grab mine.

The only thing worth fighting for,

the only thing worth striving for,

the only thing worth living for,

is You.

God helps me through the days.

God is enough to help me through the days.