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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

closest friends get estranged when the status change

"thought i knew you for a minute, now i'm not so sure
so here's to everything coming down to nothing
here's to silence that cuts me to the core
where is this going ? thought i knew for a minute but i don't anymore"

i'm not gonna apologize for doing something that i don't regret doing.
just because it doesn't exactly go on your 'bucket list', or look right in your eyes, i'm not going to apologize for doing it.
things change and people grow up. i wasn't exactly looking to try something new, especially that, and i wasn't going out of my way to get it.
it was an opportunity that came up and you know what? yeah, i never thought i would. but i did. and i don't really give a fuck that it happened because you know what? what's done is done, it's in the past and i already did it.

i'm sorry that i didn't tell you earlier. you weren't exactly the first person i wanted to tell because i knew this was how you were gonna react.
and you know, i didn't tell very many people because i didn't think it was a big deal. at least where i'm growing up, the school i'm in, nobody really botehrs to give two fucks.
it's something you come across and something that you're gonna be around and that maybe something you won't be able to understand because of your school and your new friends.
i told you when i was ready, and i didn't think you'd take it as bad as you did. people might think that your reaction isn't as bad compared to others, but you're the only one who talked to me after in such a degrading way.

i haven't changed. that one thing doesn't affect me as a whole. it doesn't suddenly shape my whole personality, being and life.
just because you didn't expect it from me, cause hell, i didn't expect it from myself either, that doesn't mean that i'm all of a sudden a new person that you're better than.
damn, it'd be one sad world if all the people who haven't tried it looked down on the people who have.
i'm not the stereotype, so don't label me or talk to me like i am. once, twice, sure but i know my limits and i'm not going to fuck up my life, so please don't act like i already have.

you're lucky that i even told you, because i haven't even told one of the very best friends i have. and i'm sure he deserves to know more than you do, and i'm sure that he'll take it way easier than you did.
you're supposed to be my best friend. you don't know how highly i talk of you. and now i feel like, slowly but surely, things are changing.
i'm trying so fucking hard to keep it the way it is or was at least because i don't want to go through this again. i've been through it one too many times and i know i should be used to it by now, but i won't be.
who the fuck is used to their best friend leaving? or going? or not being there anymore?

it isn't my thing, so don't look at me and talk to me and think about only that.
i want you to look at me and talk to me like i'm your best friend.

i'd highly appreciate that.

1 comment:

Dylon Gookin said...

I don't know you. Nor you, me. But somehow I found your blog. And this happened the to be the first post I've read.

I don't know the entire story. I can't do anything to make it better. But...

I'm sorry. What you're going through, or what you went through is not a kind, nor easy gauntlet to run.

I hope things got better between you and your friend. If she's truly your best friend, then she'll have learned to accept whatever change you partook in.

Good luck, and now I'll get to reading your other stuff. :)