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Sunday, November 8, 2009

my heartbeat is growing weak.

the last time i said that i didn't need you and that i was through with you apparently wasn't the last time. but i promise you that i realized some things over the past few weeks that made me see the person you truly are, and i swear to God, this is the last time.

i don't need you in my life. whatever made me think different in the past is making me think that i was clearly blind and dumb then. to honestly believe that i was trying and trying for a good thing is stupid, because i know now that you aren't a good thing. you're not worth my time. you're definitely just not worth it.

you are far from a good person. you are far from something worthy. you are far from something that i need in my life. and if it's taken me this long to realize that, then so be it. i'm just glad that i've finally realized.

i've tried to see the good in you for so long. i've tried to push all the flaws aside, knowing that i have my own as well, and i've tried to get over all the problems that we've been through. i got over them. i overlooked all the mistakes and wrongs. i tried harder each time that we fell through and fell apart. now, i just can't keep trying.

i'm not gonna put in so much effort into something that you don't want to work. i can't see past all the flaws anymore because they're just getting bigger and bigger. there is no more good you. i try so hard to find it but there's just none. and i see now that there was never any to begin with. i realize now that i was lying to myself in the past, probably just wanting an excuse to not be a bad person and leave you.

but you know what, i don't even care anymore. the realest sticks around and they show their true selves when you enter a whole new environment, a whole new place in your life. once we entered high school, it became different. with everyone, of course, but i won't be able to handle and tolerate you anymore. the realest sticks around, yeah, but the fakes shine through. it becomes obvious.

so i'm done wasting time. i'm done trying to be somebody i won't be. i'm done trying to please you and others. it isn't worth it. it never was anyway. i'm just done.

and i hope you realize this. i hope you realize what you've done to me and other people, and what you're still doing to me and other people. i hope you realize it and i hope it sends you on a big guilt trip.

once you realize it, i hope you see that you're no longer do it to me. you can continue to do it to others, but i'm done being part of that crowd. and once you realize it, don't turn around and expect me to listen to you and try to help you out and 'have your back'.

i've walked out on you for the final time. you've already walked out on me, anyway.

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